I’ll start this off by saying that I’ve never expected to find anyone I could connect with on such an incredible level. I’ve spent a large portion of my life (let’s say, 2/3’s) completely single because I am really picky and old school about finding the right person. Hook ups? Making out with strangers at a party? Going on a blind date? It’s never been me, or something I know I could do, which is surprising given my punk rock exterior which seems to scream, “I’m a stoner!” or even more accurately, “What haven’t I fucked?” to people as they get to know me.
Now that I’ve lured you in, let’s set up a quick, but heart warming and inspiring love story for any of you out there who are in love, have been in love, are in a long distance relationship, or have considered being in one but let the distance scare you off. I can promise all of you out there, bored readers, Tumblr users, and long distance-ers alike- it’s so worth it when you’re with that person who is everything you could have ever imagined and more. In 7 small paragraphs, you’ll witness an explosion of rainbows and narwhals.
The Beginning: Preface
Let’s do the time warp back to 2014, a time when I really embraced just how big of a lesbian I am. After having some rocky situations on Tumblr where I was uncomfortable from sexual advances by others due to a misunderstanding (leave it to me to fuck up, right?) and was feeling utterly alone as my ‘last’ childhood best friend completely blew me off to the point utter disappointment can’t describe my bitterness towards her, things in my life were engulfed by the depths of hell. I was miserable, had lost everyone I thought I could trust, and knew it was a matter of time before I quit my job at T.G.I Friday’s and lost all my amazing friends there too.
The Emo on the Roof: Chapter 1
One night after college during this time in my life, I stopped alongside a road to watch the sunset like the emo piece of shit I am, because who doesn’t want to sit on the roof of their car in October on some creepy side road, freezing in the glow of incoming winter? I posted a photo of the sub par sunset to Instagram, and lo and behold, someone I didn’t know well commented on it. I don’t know what it was about this comment, besides that I vaguely knew the person from being mutuals by username, but this one comment on my awful photo of the sunset would change my life forever. After responding, she responded, and then I obviously answered back. This turned into a 70+ comment conversation that night, which is something that NEVER happens to me. Maybe you’ll get a second reply talking to a friend on there, and if you reply to that, they won’t answer, but an actual conversation? It was surreal.
Now, it’s not like I instantly thought to myself, “THIS IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!” More so, I was glad to be talking to someone, especially since I had just been on the roof of my car thinking about life and clearly how much it was sucking for me. Also consider the astronomical odds of meeting your future *spoiler* wife on Instagram? How did we even find each other? We have no clue to this day. It was just one of those things that happens for a reason! BACK TO THE STORY:
I took the plunge by continuing the conversation in the direct messaging, and surprisingly the conversation continued! I didn’t expect to become friends, although I won’t lie and say the thought didn’t pass my mind. I tried not to get my hopes up, figuring we’d stop talking after that night, but from that day on we never did. I honestly don’t think, looking back, that since this day we’ve gone a day without talking to one another!
The Fluttering Sound of a Gay Heart: Chapter 2
We talked this way for a few months, maxing out the direct messaging limits to the point responses could take 30 minutes to complete. It was crazy, but the conversation kept developing. By this point, I found out she lived in the United Kingdom (much to my disappointment) but I also realized we had virtually everything in common. She was even bisexual, and asked what I was into, which gave me hope. That and the occasional flirting, because I won’t forget it happened. Come January 2015, my gay soul is levitating through the universe, hyper speed on a ton of daydreams that she might like me and something might happen.
Eventually things got to a point during this time when I knew someone would have to make a move. I felt like we were on the edge of something, and just needed a push to release the tension and continue on. After spending a lot of time thinking in my car like any true punk rocker, and asking some friends for advice, I made my move. It wasn’t smooth, I’ve never done anything like it, and it was over a messaging app called Kik. I sent a photo of Jenna McDougall that I photoshopped into a Valentines Day card meme- but made two separate files. One was my smooth line based off Tonight Alive’s lyrics, the other, a lot more words confessing that I like her and even if we stay friends forever I’d still be happy to have her in my life. I sent the first, saying did it change. Obviously, her fed up reply is “no” -it’s 2am there, she can’t believe she just waited up for this. I sent the second one after saying “did it change now?” and that’s when she admitted to me that she liked me to. We ended up becoming a couple that night.
Discussing the Distance and our Future: Chapter 3
So now we’re at the point of the story where you readers are like wow, we just wasted 5 minutes reading this crap and you’re a couple, now what? Well, hold onto your skinny jeans and blogs, this chapter will surely hit home come the conclusion of this comedically narrated story.
One of the first things I remember talking about on the Facebook call app was the distance and where we pictured ourselves in the future. A bit soon to be talking about that, but when you’re dating someone who lives over 3,000 miles away, it’s important to know if this is going to be serious or if we’d never meet and break up within a few months. I remember how the words ‘2 years’ sunk into my head those nights, because in two years I would be graduating college, and we’d be able to move somewhere to be together. We decided we’d deal with the distance up until then, and get to see each other a few times a year. Trust me, it sounded like TOTAL shit to us too. Visit a few times a year? Wait 2 freaking years. Yeah, it’s not ideal. But we figured by the end if we were still together it was meant to be, and we’d get to move somewhere and finally be a ‘real life’ couple.
The First Meeting in 2015: Chapter 4
I flew over to meet her in the U.K. and I honestly can’t say I’ve ever done anything so crazy. Sure, I’ve gone skydiving before my graduation in high school and held a giant ass iguana in Mexico, but this? Flying to another country to meet someone I met online? Sounds like a Catfish episode where I spend two weeks in the airport because no one shows up. Obviously, we did have each other on social media and had Skyped frequently, but still. It was scary! Seeing her for the first time in the airport was crazy, because you’re just used to this pixelated, oddly colored human on a laptop screen, and have no size reference or understanding of this person being 3D. I just remember she was so tiny, wearing a snapback and flannel, standing alone waiting. Sure, I won’t lie- it was awkward at first because we just met in person for the first time ever. All I talked about for the first 20 minutes of the drive was, “Wow, it’s so crazy you guys drive on the other side of the road! Wow, you need to shift gears! This is crazy!” By the time we got back to her house, things were much less tense, and after our first kiss and subsequent nap induced by a toasty cuddle, things felt just right.
By the time it came to leaving, we were both so upset. Everyday that got closer to my flight home we became weaker at the thought of being separated. I’ll never forget having to leave her as I walked towards TSA. The goodbyes, by the way, will NEVER get easier, I am sorry to say.
What about the PARENTS? Chapter 5
So you may be wondering, or could give a shit, do the parents know? Quick answer: not at this time. Long answer: my parents are conservative, and as a family, we are not emotionally open with one another- I don’t think I could ever tell them I like someone or am dating anyone, boy or girl. Plus, who am I kidding. Coming out to your conservative family doesn’t sound fun. Her mother on the other hand is probably super liberal, but my girlfriend didn’t want to tell her mom because who wants to talk about emotions with your parents? Not us!
As a spoiler, hers found out by her next visit with me, I suppose she just guessed. Mine figured it out when I went away to college that fall because they went in my room and either saw a photo of us together or read the flag she wrote on. In the end, both sides accepted it, whether they were comfortable with the idea or not.
It’s 2017- What’s happened since?
You’ve made it this far, you might as well hear the most unfulfilling climax!
Two years have passed since that first meeting, but we’re still close as ever. Saying goodbye never gets easier. Talking to your parents about emotional stuff is still cringey, but you start to accept that they know. We’ve visited each other six times, her in the U.S three times, me in the U.K three times. We’ve gone on road trips to Canada, camped in Iceland, camped in Maine because of a blowhole, and visited family in France. It’s been an adventure. Now, things are a lot more serious. We began filing for her to come live here in October of this past year, and we’re planning on moving her here in May. If you’ve read my K-1 post, it’s all I’ve learned from submitting ours.
Sometimes I still have a hard time believing that all of this is happening. Sure, we aren’t always having a great time- the distance really weighs you down in a relationship. Talking on Skype becomes a luxury with conflicting schedules, spending most of your relationship texting is tiring. It’s hard to share stupid stories about work or school through a text, in comparison to getting home at night and sitting on the couch, bitching to each other about all the bullshit that plagues the planet. You never got to ‘date’, you never get to surprise each other at work or go through those awkward phases of meeting family or being friends and then becoming something more. Almost all of it is virtual. You spend a lot of your relationship in countdown apps until you next meet, booking flights to visit, saving up money to do things when you visit. Plus, you’re always glued to your phone, which sucks.
But that being said, I wouldn’t change it for anything. I know no one here has ever been worth it to me, and I can’t help but be thankful that things worked out as they did. Is it ideal going through an LDR? Not really. Is it fun paying all the thousands of dollars of visa fees that we could be using to travel more? Nope. But this is the hand we’ve been given, and I’d much prefer to trudge through the bullshit of government applications and failed Skype connections if it means one day it’ll be behind us. If you’re with the right person, all of this is conquerable when you have the hope that someday you’ll actually get to be together.
So yes, two years later and we’re still together, looking forward to being together. Our anniversary is approaching, and I can’t believe it’s been the 2 years now that we spoke about long ago. It’s a weird dejavu feeling, like how has two years flown by? Specifically, these two years so we can be together? But if anything this was just a nice way for me to write a bit, I get these cravings every once and awhile. Plus, it might help anyone else out there in a similar situation or who may be in one someday.