I’m not going to sit here and say that I’m a huge super hero fan, or that I even knew much about the Wonder Woman film prior to watching it the other night. I had seen a few previews and thought it looked alright. My genuine reason for going was I had the night off, one of my friends from work was free, and the lead actress was beautiful- so why not? I figured even if the film was awful, at least the actress was really cute and I’d manage through it. Two hours later though, I left the theatre feeling like I’ve never felt after watching a movie; it was the most insane empowering energy that I’ve ever felt.
This is a topic I’ve been avoiding for years, but tonight, in one of the biggest inexplainable lows I’ve had in a long time, I’ve decided it’s time to face the music. I never wanted, and still don’t, want to place the unbearable weight of my problems on anyone. Even when I was with my ex, I never told her about my depression because I can’t bear the thought of knowing someone else has to know just how miserable I can be, when I have no reason to be miserable at all. I’m venting a lot in this, but maybe someone will find this useful, because I’ve never been able to tell anyone just how exactly my depression has haunted me and how often I have even disregarded it to avoid feeling ‘overdramatic’ since I “have it so good.”
I don’t think anything could have ever prepared me for the inexplainable pain of losing someone you love because they don’t love you anymore. This person, someone you believed was your soulmate, disappears willingly. They slip out from your hand like grains of sand. You know that regardless of how hard you try to comprehend the void you feel in your heart, to respect the honest decision of another, to understand things weren’t meant to be- knowing you were simply not worth it to someone you knew was worth the world and more, is shattering. But the best part of breaking up, is realizing that there is someone out there who will think you’re worth it; someone who you will love without question and not exhaust all that you have. A week ago, my life seemed over; a few days ago, I was reassured that it wasn’t. So to all you heartbroken, beaten down bastards out there- there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and I promise, looking back, you’ll wonder why you ever even thought that it was the end of the world.
We all have that special something we can seamlessly relate our lives to, whether it be a film about an underdog who defies the odds, or a song that perfectly recites the darkest moments of our past. For me, one of these special somethings has to be Blue Is The Warmest Color– the film itself resonates with remnants of my past, as it spans across the turbulent years of figuring out who you are and what you desire in life. Although the film is quite a few years old by now, I still find it completely relatable, and figure hey, someone might appreciate finding out about this film, or getting the chance to read a thoughtful analysis of what makes this movie an orgasm for the soul.
At some point in our lives, we come to terms with our own mortality. Whether it’s the death of family member or loved one, or the simple realization that we will not live forever, death eventually becomes a thought that every human attempts to grasp. The thought of death is both fascinating and scary, an eerie blend of mystery and possibility.
I thought I had my whole life figured out at the age of 13- I was going to be in a band, start touring the world, and Brendon Urie was going to marry me. I’m nearly 22, on the verge of graduating college, and while I still dream of being in a band, I’ve learned so much about life over the past decade, that it’s insane. Whether you are 11 or 27, these lessons could be useful to you as you continue to experience life. Every topic in this post is something I wish I had known when I was 15.