This is a topic I’ve been avoiding for years, but tonight, in one of the biggest inexplainable lows I’ve had in a long time, I’ve decided it’s time to face the music. I never wanted, and still don’t, want to place the unbearable weight of my problems on anyone. Even when I was with my ex, I never told her about my depression because I can’t bear the thought of knowing someone else has to know just how miserable I can be, when I have no reason to be miserable at all. I’m venting a lot in this, but maybe someone will find this useful, because I’ve never been able to tell anyone just how exactly my depression has haunted me and how often I have even disregarded it to avoid feeling ‘overdramatic’ since I “have it so good.”
I don’t think anything could have ever prepared me for the inexplainable pain of losing someone you love because they don’t love you anymore. This person, someone you believed was your soulmate, disappears willingly. They slip out from your hand like grains of sand. You know that regardless of how hard you try to comprehend the void you feel in your heart, to respect the honest decision of another, to understand things weren’t meant to be- knowing you were simply not worth it to someone you knew was worth the world and more, is shattering. But the best part of breaking up, is realizing that there is someone out there who will think you’re worth it; someone who you will love without question and not exhaust all that you have. A week ago, my life seemed over; a few days ago, I was reassured that it wasn’t. So to all you heartbroken, beaten down bastards out there- there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and I promise, looking back, you’ll wonder why you ever even thought that it was the end of the world.